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职场

How to flirt your way to the top and not into trouble
办公室调情指南

凯拉韦:职场调情是获取升职的法宝,但要慎用

Is it acceptable to flirt openly in the office these days? I had thought not. I go out of my way to deal with the women on my team in a professional way, and would never compliment them on their appearance or make any gender specific remarks at all. I now find that a new male colleague, who makes a point of flirting like mad with almost everyone, is liked and is likely to rise quickly through the organisation. Have I been getting it wrong?

人们现在可以公然在办公室里调情了吗?我以前觉得不可以的。我一直用职业态度跟团队里的女性打交道,我从不夸她们的外貌,也绝不发表带有性别偏见的言论。最近新来了一位男同事,他肆无忌惮地跟几乎所有人都调点儿情,我发现他很受欢迎,且极有可能很快就获得升职。难道一直是我错了吗?

Banker, male, 39

银行职员,男性,39岁

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露西的回答

Lucy Kellaway’s answer

是的,你错了。调情是经过反复考验的在职场获取成功的方法。但这种方法是有危险的,它有一套复杂规则,你必须照这些规则来,否则你可能既丢了饭碗,又被告上法庭。

Yes, you have got it wrong. Flirting is a tried-and-tested way of getting ahead at work. It is also a risky one with its own complicated rules that you must follow, or else you may end up out of a job — and in court.

你这位同事明显掌握了调情法则一:调情必须广泛展开,点到为止。如果你只跟一个人调情,就不止是外行的问题,而是很糟糕的主意,至于原因,希望就不用我说了吧。

Your colleague has evidently mastered Rule Number One: all flirtation must be spread widely and thinly. If you flirt with only one person that is not only unprofessional but is a very bad idea for reasons I hope I don’t need to go into.

你的问题在于很难养成这种调情的风度,因为你似乎天生不是这号人,我建议你在尝试下面这些法则时三思而后行。

The problem for you is that it is very hard cultivating this flirtatious manner; given you appear naturally not to be that way inclined, I suggest you think twice before attempting the following.

调情法则二:调整你的调情技巧以适应工作场所。调情高手知道上班时调情必须有别于下班时。办公室调情更多是开玩笑,而不是偷偷掐对方的臀部。调情时永远不要出现性威胁、笨拙的言行举止,或者哪怕轻微的粗俗。在复印机旁说双关语和眨眼睛是白费力。上班时夸同事漂亮没问题,但夸人的时候千万不要抛媚眼。

Rule Number Two is to fine-tune your flirting technique to make it workplace compatible. The greatest flirts know that they must do it differently at work than out of it. Office flirtation needs to bigger on banter than on bottom pinching. Indeed it should never be sexually threatening or clumsy or even slightly vulgar. Double entendres and winking don’t play well by the photocopier. To tell a colleague at work they look nice is OK but it is vital not to leer as you do it.

调情法则三关系到与各个级别的人调情。跟同一级别的人调情相对容易些,与职位高于或低于你的人调情,那只有高手能驾驭。

The next rule concerns flirtation across the power divide. Flirting with people on the same level is relatively easy; flirting with people above or below you on the ladder is for the advanced class only.

要调情成功,你不仅得是个天生的调情圣手,还得在工作中受人尊重,且在同事心目中是个正人君子。女性在这方面具有极大优势,因为数百年来好色成性的可不是她们。

To carry it off you need not only to be a great natural flirt, you must also be respected in your job and thought to be a fine morally upstanding colleague. Here women have a terrific advantage. This is because they aren’t carrying the backlog of centuries of predatory behaviour.

轻浮的女子有时的确会被当作荡妇遭人轻视,因此对于刚入职场的年轻女性来说,调情不是一个很好的策略,但如果是一位资深职场女性,那么她调情时就不会显得愚蠢,她会显得富有魅力。

It is true that a flirty woman can sometimes be written off as a bimbo, which makes flirtation a less good strategy for young women who are just starting out, but if the woman is well enough established she doesn’t look dim when she flirts — she looks irresistible.

我就知道有两位女性首席执行官,调情是她们最有力的武器。她们跟所有人都调情,下至接待员上到董事长——男女不限。

I can think of two female chief executives for whom flirting is their most powerful weapon. They flirt with absolutely everyone, men and women, from receptionist to the chairman.

她们惯于操纵别人,但十分有效。人人都喜欢她们,最气人的还不是她们升职有多么神速,而是她们在一切事情上好像总能随心所欲。

The act is deeply manipulative but is no less effective for that. Everyone loves them; and the most irritating thing about them is not just how quickly they advance, it is that they always seem to get their own way at everything.

读者建议

Your advice

你要么调情,要么就老老实实的。年龄和感情状况无关紧要,调情这种事你要么很小就学会了,要么总也学不会。所以虽然你没办法调情,但当你注意到调情者往往无时不刻地在调情的时候,你就有了个机会。他只能扮演一种角色,但你可以调整你的举止以适应不同情况,你可以是个好爸爸,好朋友,好邻居,或是好酒友。所以学着去表现,学会如何扮演一些角色,并从中发现乐趣。

You’re either a flirt or you’re not. Age and relationship status don’t matter, it’s something you either learn to do at an early age or not at all. So while you can’t do that, there is an opportunity for you when you notice that flirts tend to be flirtatious all the time. He can only adopt one role, but you can tailor your demeanour to fit the situation — you can also be Daddy, Friendly Neighbour, or Drinking Buddy. So learn to act, learn a few roles, and have fun with it.

匿名,男性

Anon male

我今年刚过60岁,婚龄39年。如果我觉得哪位女同事漂亮,我总是直接告诉她们,新发型啦、衣服漂亮啦等等,而且我知道对方把这些接受为真诚的赞美。但我不打情骂俏,因为这是游走于危险地带。此外,作为一位学者,我从没有对女学生说过你好漂亮这种话。我处于权力阶层(我掌控着她们的成绩),跟她们说这种话听起来像在求欢。

I’m just over 60 and have been married for 39 years and I will always tell the ladies I work with when I think they look good — new hair style, great dress, etc and I know it’s accepted as a sincere compliment. However I do not flirt because that is treading dangerous ground. Furthermore, as an academic, I never ever tell my female students they look good. I am in a position of power (I control their marks) and that could seem like a proposition.

学者,男性,60多岁

Academic, male, 60s

天啊!你绝对没错。一个多年来不苟言笑、举止稳重的男士为了试试看自己是否受欢迎而去调情,没什么比这更令人毛骨悚然了。老实说,我很怀疑在调情这件事上,有的男人做了就是性骚扰,而有的男人能不断调情却逍遥法外。有魅力的调情者确实能侥幸获得许多好处,但令人毛骨悚然的调情就是错误举动,且会令你丢掉饭碗。

Yikes! No, you have not been getting it wrong. Nothing could be creepier than a not-normally-fun-and-flirtatious man trying it on for size after all these years. I honestly suspect it’s what gets one man done for sexual harassment while the other man walks away scot-free time and time again. A charming flirt can really get away with a lot; one false move by a creepster and it’s off with his head.

男性,匿名

Male, anon

在一个多么无趣的平行宇宙里恭维别人的外表才是“带有性别偏见的言论”?

In what joyless, parallel universe is complimenting someone on their appearance a “gender-specific remark”?

首席执行官,男性

CEO, male

在办公室里,一个与所有女性调情但从不跟她们睡觉的男人,在人们眼里是个讨人喜欢且无害的男人。一个从没调过情的男人在人们眼里既职业又无害。而介于两者之间的人可能是危险的。

A man in an office who flirts with every woman, but who sleeps with none of them, is seen to be pleasant and harmless. A man who never flirts with anyone is seen to be professional and harmless. Anything in between — there lies danger.

你在办公室里的形象已经深入人心。你做出的任何调情最多只会给人一种虚假感,可能还会让人汗毛直立,没准还会被认为好色。你不是这种人,所以别这么做!

Your office persona is already firmly established. Any increase in flirting would be seen at best as synthetic, probably creepy and possibly predatory. It isn’t you so don’t do it!

男性,经理,50多岁

Male, manager, 50s

我工作效率最高的资深女同事在整个银行都能优雅地调情,而且总是能搞定难应付的同事。我的团队里有许多女性,作为负责人我会说一些适当的赞美话,但不会调情。我团队里的年轻男性可能会调情,而且会因此受欢迎。所以这位39岁的银行职员确实错了,但我在他这个年纪也这样。

My most effective senior female colleague employs elegant flirting across the bank and invariably gets her way with difficult colleagues. I, as head of a team including many women, employ judicious compliments but stay clear of flirting. Younger males in my team may, and do, flirt and are popular for that. So your 39-year-old banker has got it wrong but then so did I at his age.

总经理,59岁

Managing director, 59

译者/何黎

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